Dumb Jokes That Are Funny
-
Why did the cookie cry?
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because his mother was a wafer so long!
-
A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "for you? no charge."
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
-
What kind of music do chiropractors listen to?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
HIP-POP!
-
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Fssshh
-
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Dam.
-
Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under arm. Says to the bartender: "I’ll take a beer, and one for the road."
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
-
There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says
‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
-
Which side of a cheetah has the most spots?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
THE OUTSIDE!
-
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Too many Cheetahs!
-
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
A buccaneer!
-
What's the best way to carve wood?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Whittle by whittle.
-
What does a ghost wear when it's raining outside?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooots!
-
What do calendars eat?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
DATES!
-
What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
DINO-MITE!
-
What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
WATAAAAARR!
-
A cannibal went for a walk and he passed his brother.
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
-
A man didn't like his haircut, but it started to grow on him.
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
-
What did the grape say after the elephant sat on it?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Nothing, it just let out a little whine!
-
What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Roberto
-
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Polaroids
-
what do you do with epileptic lettuce?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
You make a seizure salad!
-
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
He had no body to go with him!
-
What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Abominable! (say it out loud, slowly)
-
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Don't look, I'm changing.
-
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
He felt his presents!
-
A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way.
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
-
Who does a pharaoh talk to when he's sad?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
His mummy.
-
What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
A PRIVATE TUTOR!
-
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because he felt crummy.
-
What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Wipes his butt.
-
Why don't blind people go skydiving?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because it scares the bejesus out of the dogs!
-
Where does George Washington keep his armies?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
In his sleevies
-
Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
BECAUSE IT'S POINTLESS!
-
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
A gummy bear.
-
what do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
A SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE!
-
A drum and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
-
How do you fix a broken tuba?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
With a tuba glue!
-
what did one hat say to another?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
You stay here, I'll go on a head!
-
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Make me one with everything!
-
What did 0 say to 8?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Nice belt!
-
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Bob
-
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Both crews were marooned.
-
What do you call a man with no arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Claude
-
Why didn't the melons get married?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because they cantaloupe!
-
What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Thanks for the mammaries!
-
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
I've got you under a vest!
-
Why did the man dump ground beef on his head?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
He wanted a meatier shower!
-
Why is the ocean blue?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because all the little fish go blu, blu blu.
-
What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
I can clearly see you're nuts!
-
What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
BYE-SON!
-
What do you call a pig that does karate?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
A PORK CHOP
-
What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
BANANANAAAAAA!
-
What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
HE GOT A LITTLE BEHIND IN HIS WORK
-
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
PARK YOUR CAR, MAN
-
What's it called when you lend money to a bison?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
A BUFFA-LOAN!
-
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
IT WAS IN TENTS
-
A baby seal walks into a club...
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
-
What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
You look a little pail!
-
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Fo' drizzle.
-
Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"
"Are you sure?" asks the second atom.
To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
-
What does a vegan zombie eat?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!
-
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
PUMPKIN PI
-
What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks
-
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
with little Nazis!
-
Why did the cowboy adopt a weiner dog?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
He wanted to get a long little doggy!
-
What did one snowman say to the other?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Do you smell carrots?
-
What game would you play with a wombat?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Wom.
-
Why did the pirate go to the Caribbean?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
He wanted some arr and arr.
-
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a bee?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
A bah-humbug.
-
What do you call a pony's cough?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
A LITTLE HOARSE!
-
Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!
-
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the softball team?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because she ran away from the ball!
-
What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
OH SNAP
-
What did the monkey say when he caught his tail in the revolving door?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
It won't be long now
-
How does an octopus go to war?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
WELL-ARMED
-
What did the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
You're too young to smoke!
-
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
A FRISBEE!
-
How does a lion like his meat?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
ROAR
-
Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because he was a little shellfish.
-
What type of music do mummies listen to?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
WRAP MUSIC!
-
What washes up on tiny beaches?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
MICROWAVES!
-
Did you hear about the Hyena who drank a pint of gravy?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
He was a laughing stock!
-
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs playing in the leaves?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Russell.
-
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because of his coffin.
-
What kind of guns do bees use?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
BeeBee guns
-
Why did the police officer smell?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because he was on duty.
-
How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
ECLIPSE IT!
-
What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
THUNDERPANTS
-
What happens to Pastors who eat chili dogs?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
They have to sit in their own pew.
-
What do you call a deer with no eye?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
NO IDEAR!
-
What did the ghost say to the bee?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
BOO-BEE
-
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Mice Krispies!
-
What do you do with a sick boat?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
TAKE IT TO THE DOC!
-
What kind of horses go out after dusk?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Nightmares!
-
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
JALAPENO BUSINESS!
-
Why do milking stools only have three legs?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
'Cause the cow's got the udder!
-
Why did Simba's father die?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because he couldn't Mufasa!
-
What is the definition of a good farmer?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
A MAN OUTSTANDING IN HIS FIELD!
-
Why was the sand wet?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because the sea weed!
-
What is a shark's favorite illegal substance?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Reefer!
-
What did one shark say to the other while eating a clownfish?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
This tastes funny.
-
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Because it's a little meteor.
-
What do sharks say when something radical happens?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
JAWESOME
-
What kind of flower is on your face?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Tulips!
-
What is invisible and smells like carrots?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Rabbit farts
-
What was T-Rex's favorite number?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Ate!
-
Why are all the frogs around here dead?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
'Cause they keep croaking!
-
What did the Island Gobbling Sea Monster say?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
These islands aren’t Philippine me up. I need Samoa Tahiti!
-
Have you heard the one about the Corduroy pillow?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
It's making HEADLINES!
-
What's brown and sticky?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
A stick.
-
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Its butt
-
What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop?
Joke Permalink
Tweet This Joke
Click here for the answer
Shoe!
-
Previous Joke
Next Joke
More comics
|
|
||
|
|
|
|
![How much do cats actually kill? [Infographic]](http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/thumbnails/cats_actually_kill.png)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Browse all comics |
|||