Dumb Jokes That Are Funny

• Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?

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  Both crews were marooned.

• A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "for you? no charge."

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• What type of music do mummies listen to?

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  WRAP MUSIC!

• What do you call a nosy pepper?

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  JALAPENO BUSINESS!

• What did one shark say to the other while eating a clownfish?

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  This tastes funny.

• What did one snowman say to the other?

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  Do you smell carrots?

• What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

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  Roberto

• Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?

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  Because of his coffin.

• Did you hear about the Hyena who drank a pint of gravy?

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  He was a laughing stock!

• How does Hitler tie his shoes?

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  with little Nazis!

• How does a lion like his meat?

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  ROAR

• What did the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?

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  You're too young to smoke!

• Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?

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  THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!

• What game would you play with a wombat?

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  Wom.

• What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day?

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  A FRISBEE!

• What do you get when you cross a sheep and a bee?

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  A bah-humbug.

• What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?

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  Tyrannosaurus Wrecks

• What did the monkey say when he caught his tail in the revolving door?

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  It won't be long now

• What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop?

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  Shoe!

• What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office?

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  I can clearly see you're nuts!

• What do you call a bear with no teeth?

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  A gummy bear.

• What do you call a guy who never farts in public?

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  A PRIVATE TUTOR!

• What do sharks say when something radical happens?

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  JAWESOME

• What happens to Pastors who eat chili dogs?

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  They have to sit in their own pew.

• What's it called when you lend money to a bison?

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  A BUFFA-LOAN!

• What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?

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  HE GOT A LITTLE BEHIND IN HIS WORK

• What is the definition of a good farmer?

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  A MAN OUTSTANDING IN HIS FIELD!

• Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

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  IT WAS IN TENTS

• What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?

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  You look a little pail!

• What did the ghost say to the bee?

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  BOO-BEE

• A drum and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

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• Why do milking stools only have three legs?

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  'Cause the cow's got the udder!

• Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?

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  Because he was a little shellfish.

• What do you call a fish with no eye?

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  Fssshh

• What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?

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  Its butt

• What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?

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  Bob

• What do you call a man with no arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?

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  Claude

• Why don't blind people go skydiving?

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  Because it scares the bejesus out of the dogs!

• What is a shark's favorite illegal substance?

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  Reefer!

• What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

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  PUMPKIN PI

• Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under arm. Says to the bartender: "I’ll take a beer, and one for the road."

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• There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says
  
  ‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’

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• What kind of flower is on your face?

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  Tulips!

• What was T-Rex's favorite number?

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  Ate!

• what do you do with epileptic lettuce?

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  You make a seizure salad!

• What did 0 say to 8?

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  Nice belt!

• Why did the cowboy adopt a weiner dog?

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  He wanted to get a long little doggy!

• What do cats eat for breakfast?

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  Mice Krispies!

• Why did the cookie cry?

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  Because his mother was a wafer so long!

• How do you fix a broken tuba?

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  With a tuba glue!

• A baby seal walks into a club...

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• What is invisible and smells like carrots?

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  Rabbit farts

• What does a vegan zombie eat?

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  Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

• What did the traffic light say to the car?

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  Don't look, I'm changing.

• what do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?

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  A SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE!

• Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"
  
  "Are you sure?" asks the second atom.
  
  To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

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• Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

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  Because he felt crummy.

• What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

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  Polaroids

• What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks?

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  DINO-MITE!

• What do you do with a sick boat?

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  TAKE IT TO THE DOC!

• What do you call a pig that does karate?

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  A PORK CHOP

• Why was the sand wet?

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  Because the sea weed!

• What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?

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  OH SNAP

• What's the best way to carve wood?

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  Whittle by whittle.

• Have you heard the one about the Corduroy pillow?

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  It's making HEADLINES!

• What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

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  Dam.

• What do you call a deer with no eye?

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  NO IDEAR!

• A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way.

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• Why did the pirate go to the Caribbean?

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  He wanted some arr and arr.

• A man didn't like his haircut, but it started to grow on him.

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• Why did the police officer smell?

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  Because he was on duty.

• How much does a pirate pay for corn?

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  A buccaneer!

• What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

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  Wipes his butt.

• A cannibal went for a walk and he passed his brother.

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• Which side of a cheetah has the most spots?

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  THE OUTSIDE!

• What do you call a man with no arms and no legs playing in the leaves?

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  Russell.

• Why didn't the melons get married?

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  Because they cantaloupe!

• Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?

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  Fo' drizzle.

• Why is there no gambling in Africa?

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  Too many Cheetahs!

• What washes up on tiny beaches?

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  MICROWAVES!

• What do you call a pony's cough?

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  A LITTLE HOARSE!

• Why is the ocean blue?

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  Because all the little fish go blu, blu blu.

• What did the Island Gobbling Sea Monster say?

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  These islands aren’t Philippine me up. I need Samoa Tahiti!

• How does an octopus go to war?

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  WELL-ARMED

• What do clouds wear under their shorts?

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  THUNDERPANTS

• Where does George Washington keep his armies?

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  In his sleevies

• What do calendars eat?

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  DATES!

• What does a ghost wear when it's raining outside?

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  Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooots!

• Why did Simba's father die?

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  Because he couldn't Mufasa!

• What did the grape say after the elephant sat on it?

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  Nothing, it just let out a little whine!

• What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?

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  BANANANAAAAAA!

• What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer?

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  Abominable! (say it out loud, slowly)

• What's brown and sticky?

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  A stick.

• What did the policeman say to his tummy?

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  I've got you under a vest!

• How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

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  Eclipse it

• What kind of guns do bees use?

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  BeeBee guns

• What kind of horses go out after dusk?

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  Nightmares!

• What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

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  WATAAAAARR!

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