Comics

Blog

Books

Shop

Comics: Random Most Popular All Cats Grammar Food Animals Tech

How long could you survive after punching a bear in the balls?

• 1.	If your intestines were dangling at your feet, would you be able to run? No, I'm a giant pansy Maybe, but I might trip on those sticky entrails Yes, and I could even use them as jump ropes if I wanted to 12 questions remain

• 2.	How often do you cry? Daily Weekly About once a month A few times a year I cried once when I was a baby, but then I grew out of that sissy nonsense 11 questions remain

• 3.	If crushed in a massive bear hug, how long could you hold your breath? I have powerful lungs (2+ minutes) 1 - 2 minutes Not long, 30 - 60 seconds 10 questions remain

• 4.	Do you have any experience as a wrestler? Yes, pro or college wrestling Some experience - high school or otherwise A little, wrestling with siblings or friends No experience 9 questions remain

• 5.	Have you ever eaten bear meat? No Yes, and I'm pretty sure I absorbed his powers No, but next time I kick a bear in the balls I'll make sure and bite a nice piece off before I flee 8 questions remain

• 6.	What's the best reason to adopt a bear cub? Bears are endangered and we need to protect as many of them as we can Two words: punching bag They make excellent bear bait so I can do some proper ball kicking 7 questions remain

• 7.	How fast can you run a mile? I have no idea Less than 5 minutes 5 - 6 minutes 7 - 8 minutes 9-11 minutes Longer than 11 minutes 6 questions remain

• 8.	Do you have any martial arts skills? Yes, and I'd totally crane kick that bear in the face Some skills, I might be able to throw a few jabs None at all 5 questions remain

• 9.	Would you climb a tree to escape the bear? Yes No 4 questions remain

• 10.	When attacked, would you stand still and make loud noises? Yes, I want to trick the bear into thinking I'm a large predator No, because that's a great way to make yourself the bear's bitch 3 questions remain

• 11.	When you see something beautiful, such as a butterfly or sunset, do you want to smash it? No, because I'm a giant walking vagina Only if it pisses me off or threatens my food supply Yes, I smash everything, including dumb bears 2 questions remain

• 12.	Have you ever bitten a beer can in half? Yes (high fives!) No (haha you suck) 1 questions remain

• 13.	Which animal scares you the most? Tyrannosaurus Rex A bear with sore balls A pride of hungry african lions A mountain goat with a raging boner The beast inside yourself, which awakens as soon as blood is drawn final question!

The Oatmeal

Share this

Latest Things

Random Comics

Browse more comics >>

All artwork and content on this site is Copyright © 2016 Matthew Inman. Please don't steal.