My Funeral Instructions
Last weekend my family had a BBQ. I told them that when I died I wanted my body to be hurled via trebuchet into an erupting volcano, and I even wrote down specific instructions for my funeral service.
They told me this was not logistically possible and a hugely inconsiderate thing to do to a grief stricken family.
I called them a bunch of a-holes and soccer-kicked the watermelon off the picnic table and into the bushes.